between us ONLY

2007-11-20T01:25:00.000-08:00

i don't understand what you're trying to do OLD SCHOOLMATE but honestly what's your frigging problem? i thought sec sch's over so BE OVER WITH IT LA. can't you frigging start a new chapter?

or do you still keep grudges on me?

goodness sake, if you want me to realise my mistake FUCK ME STRAIGHT INTO MY FACE. why should you waste time tryna hide yourself and play this childish games.

can't believe that YOU'RE SO DUMB.

the school teach you to be SMART, not STUPID!

2007-11-01T11:16:00.000-07:00

dear mr/ms unknown,

i don't the slightest clue to your identity and i don't know what relations you have with fai. but it seems that you have been visiting my blog for quite some time and also that you know me well enough to criticise me that bad in the past. i also have no clue why are you telling me that information after so long.

i guess you mean to hurt me, and yes, i was hurt. happy?!

it doesn't mean that if he's in the past, i am over him. well i'm not.

if you think that you're human enough, do me this favour. congratulate him for me, please. i know that you can NOT help me but at least please do this favour for me. neither you or he cares but just this once. help me.

2007-02-18T16:08:00.000-08:00

well these days it has always been YOU in my mind. *polluting my mind with the thoughts of being with you*

now iam being MYSELF. no one else!

2007-02-06T10:39:00.000-08:00

well people! I AM UPDATING! sorry for the oh-so-long-already-have-spider-webs unUPDATING! lots have been happening these days, especially the one that you guys can see in my tagboard.

haha! okay i'm in the middle of doing my presentation. will update details soon.

HOLD ON!! my currnt favourite song : KEEP HOLDING ON by Avril Lavigne

You're not alone
together we stand
i'll be by your side
you know i'll take your hand
when it gets cold
and it feels like the end
theres no place to go you know i wont give in
no i wont give in.

Chorus :

Keep holding on
'cause you know we'll make it through,
we'll make it through
just stay strong
cause you know i'm here for you, i'm here for you
theres nothing you can say, nothing you can do
theres no other way when it comes to the truth
so keep holding on
cause you know we'll make it through,
we'll make it through.

So far away i wish you were here
before it's too late this could all disapear
before the doors close, this comes to an end
but with you by my side i will fight a
nd defend i'll fight and defend yeah yeah.

Hear me when i say, when i say
i believe nothings gonna change,
nothings gonna change destiny
what ever is ment to be
will work out perfectly

2006-12-11T09:12:00.000-08:00

it's finally over. 9 months and 2 days later. it all ended. no more point of return or regret. i was disturbed by the incident initially but after i spent the rest of my day bowling and with my bestfriend and her CRAZY BELO ASS neighbour, i felt okay. i can actually say that i am glad he initiated the break-up because it would take me ages to say it out. i fear break-ups and rejection. i am not crying anymore. i am SINGLE. 081206

it went on beautifully in the beginning. knowing each other through friends whose existance are not known now. on Valentine's to be exact. He gave me a card. it WAS sweet of him. but that was just the beginning. in the later part, after he got back it all felt different. maybe because part of me just gave up. know i felt no chemistry because he changed. i no more feel good with him. while he was away, i cried buckets. my friends really knew i was in LOVE. but that was before 'cause it lasted for awhile. i tried to relive good memories by writing small love notes but i get nothing in return.

now as i listen to a sad love song, i felt no pain. just sad taht it's finally over. i thought this relationship could last but it didn't. better stop loving and start chilling.

To Faizal,
i am sorry for saying "i love you" for so many times when i know it was not there anymore. i am sorry f i really hurt you so much though i know i'm hurting too. i just want you to know that i have moved on. i want to know that i missed the old you. i am still keeping our memories. do take care and evaluate yourself before falling in love again. IF you ever gonna fall in love again.

To NENEPOMS,
you guys have been the most supporting HOMO SAPIANS on Earth throughout this ordeal i'm going through. you guys really cheered me up when i needed some cheering up. thank you guys! love korang.

To .naz,
Girl it had never been easy for me. yet you have been there over and over again. making me realise that it's my fault too. thank you Nazirah. thank you so much.

i am still writing though my hand hurt.

I SUDDENLY REALISE SOMETHING. it started when i was ill. it also ended when i am ill too.

2006-11-27T14:16:00.000-08:00

has love been so boring for me lately? or is it just him? i don't know why i just get so turned off with him. i got into 2 heartbreaks. just too painful. and now HIM. love was never so loving after all.

sweetheart wasn't so sweet after all.

i am frigging tired of being in love.

spare me a knife someone so i can cut my wrist.

at least i have something to do.

2006-11-24T17:41:00.000-08:00

have i really changed? or is it that i am just being turned away? why do i feel as if i am isolated? people keep asking me why do i act strangly when i am with them? don't ou think i am the way i am because of you guys? no i don't sluk about it but really i am what i am now because of you guys. okay maybe you guys still have me as friend but even if you are going to put me as an enemy i won't mind. i went through this throughout secondary school. i am quite neutral with the situation because i can never do anything to force you guys to do whatever you guys want to do.

i feel impish.

WHATEVER!

to nazirah. well life has to go on. honey, you are very strong. just do not fall back. i love you honey.

2006-10-06T12:56:00.000-07:00

sorry people i have not been updating lately. my computer crashed. haha! oh well.

okay, quick updates.

last sunday, i fell backwards while working. i slipped on ice. now my back hurts badly. haha!

okay. yeah! today is my 7-month anniversary with FAIZAL! he's beside me right now trying to figure out how to use the library's multimedia machine. haha! how cute! oh well!

HAPPY 7-MONTH ANNIVERSARY DEAR!

erm, what else?

oh yeah. i can't believe i got a B for my Introductory Chemistry. you wanna know why i'm so happy? 'cause i never passed my Science and this is the very first time i excelled. yahoo! congrats to me!

to all the NENEPOMS and TRAFFICLIGHTs, congrats! to those who are dissapointed, don't be.

now i don't have ANY chances of making KHOLIL strip. he passed! argh! anyway, it wouldn't be such a nice sight! haha!

2006-09-16T13:17:00.000-07:00

men are smarter than the ladies. THINK AGAIN!

Berita Harian Singapore reported a research that proves men are smarter than women. i guess it's pure bias-ness! that reminds me of a true sad stoyy which happened to my Mom's friend.

this morning she went to the market and saw her friend she didn't meet for the past 20 years. while talking mom asked about her friend's sister who was mom's friend too. mom was told that she had passed away during child-bearing. when she asked further this is the sad tale that happened to her.

the lady married to a man who resides in Selangor. he wasn't well-off but wanted to have 8 children. the lady managed to give him 8 children but 5 died. the last two of the 5, #7 and #8, a twin, died because one of their alive elder sibling accidentally sat on their mother's tummy and that caused the umbilical cord to tear from the mom's and poisoned the babies. the mother died after a week's coma.

here is what i wanna point out to the ladies to prove that MAN ARE SUCH JERKS!! the husband then thought it was time for him to upgrade himself. he went to computer courses, english course etc and was interested with this rich lady and married her. this was months after his former wife's death.

no wonder guys have such egos!

hope this is a lesson to ALL guys no matter human or MARTIANS. value your current partner.

2006-09-15T21:44:00.000-07:00

has the love died down or does it need time to blossom?

i do not understand why i am feeling this way. is it just because i am too tired or am i plainly 'turned off'? i hope this will be fixed soon.

2006-09-11T23:33:00.000-07:00

taking a LITTLE break from mugging.

changed my skin. hehe!

2006-09-10T22:27:00.000-07:00

presenting Wan Ilham and Suhana!

okay he's my CUTE nephew! isn't he adorable! poor him, he has to withstand all the pain after his operation on his lungs. that's what i heard. i went to KKH to visit him and since hospitals tend to be a place where people rarely visit UNLESS somebody's sick i decided to do my studying there. i studied at Delifrance while EATING! hehe! you still need food while you are studying you know! that's about it for today.

he was so appealing once upon a time. but where is that spark in him which made me fell madly in love? is Lydia and Naz right about me missing him so badly when he's gone and when he's back i totally lose interest?

2006-09-10T01:45:00.000-07:00

a rollercoaster ride of emotions

been up late these days to study for IC and thinking what i should do with these feelings i have been feeling. just hang up with Haffeez, an ex. he seemed busy so i do not want to disturb him. [or did he 'make' himself busy so as he can avoid me? oh well.] feelings for Fai seem to deteriorate and i wished that i didn't break that 1 year of singlehood. what would i do when all this happens? just take the notes for IC and start MUGGING! yeah!

2006-09-07T21:54:00.000-07:00

MATERIALISTIC WORLD

i am now VERY upset with myself 'cause . . . here goes my tale.

i'm Suhana, 17. the oldest daughter with a younger brother and is studying Biochemical Technology at ITE CE. my parents are the people whom i HAVE to respect most in this world. my dad, a delivery driver and a TECHNOLOGY freak, and my mom, a housewife and enterprenuer wanna-be. why do i start off with my family? 'cause they are the first people who never fail to make me feel so down.

my mom NEVER fail to compare me with my 20-month old brother who seems so smart. she never stops nagging about how her mother-in-law treat her and how my father's family seem to hate her. she NEVER stops dreaming about being the next DONALD TRUMP and puts all her money on buying 'those' books which will only collect dust eventually 'cause she will NEVER have the time to read those thick books. she goes for all that stupid 'getting rich' seminars and all. she nags at me non stop for returning home late after school. she always wants to advice me the religious way and never giving me support the 21st century way. only crazy people would want to stay under the same roof as i am 'cause even my cousin pity my state.

i have nothing to say about my dad 'cause he does what all other fathers do : return home from work, drink coffee, bath, eat, scold me if he think i need it and sleep. why i call him a TECH freak? 'cause he wants all the lastest gadgets at home.

___________________________________________

i hate being a girlfriend to my boyfriend. reason? 'cause he's way better off than i am. why i say this? 'cause he's just is.

his sister bought another GUESS bag which cost $150, a Cargo handbag for her mom at $200, MAC foundation at $40 and not only that. the bag she is currently using is a GUESS handbag, price unknown, a new shrit from Mango, trousers from i don't know where, slippers from BeBe, a gold watch with diamonds on it and gold jewelleries. plus she uses Britney's Curious parfum and all the sweet stuff all girls would want to own.

let's make a comparison with what i wore just now to study.

i wore a shirt which cost $2 which my mom bought at the Value$ sale, a tudung which has holes in them, Hang Ten $20 jeans, $4.90 shoes, a 2-month old $30 Zinc bag, a $15 perfume, unknown brand 'cause it's ciplak, and i was listening to my half-dead MP3 which might just die off any time. my jewelleries were only 4 white plastic bands, a wrist choker[have no other clue what's the name] and my formerly-$16-now-$5 watch.

can you see the HUGE difference between us? i just couldn't stand beside them 'cause i feel so low-maintainance. i only go shopping at Song&Song ONCE in a blue moon while they can afford to buy original Adidas mechandise every month. i feel so ashamed whenever i visit his house. his dad never fail to send me home and give me $10 as 'hong bao' money. i mean, we live in 2 totally-different worlds but yet we are combined together under THAT one category [which is a lie to me]that is 'LOVE'.

that's why people hates me so much. i smoke, uses vulgarities, have nothing better to do other than disturbing people and all that negative things a TEEN-AGER would do. i just want THAT extra attention which i think i crave in a totally opposite way. i tried to hide my real identity [other than being such an EMO freak] by being someone who is TOTALLY not me : laughing, making stupid jokes and all that you see now.

i am sorry people if certain parts of my entry might just be a LIE to you but i am just too FUCKED UP and PISSED OFF with myself.

2006-09-06T10:02:00.000-07:00

HAPPY 6TH MONTH ANNIVERSARY SAYANG!

i hope that lie worked

2006-09-05T22:04:00.000-07:00

Aku Bukan Untukmu
by Rossa

Dahulu kau mencintaiku
Dahulu Kau menginginkanku
Meskipun tak pernah ada jawabku
Tak berniat kau tinggalkan aku

Sekarang kau pergi menjauh
Sekarang kau tinggalkan aku
Disaat ku mulai mengharapkanmu
Dan kumohon Maafkan aKu

Aku menyesal telah membuatmu menangis
Dan biarkan memilih yang lain
tapi jangan pernah kau dustai takdirmu
Pasti itu terbaik untukmu

Janganlah lagi kau mengingatku kembali
Aku bukanlah untukmu
Meski ku memohon dan meminta hatimu
Jangan Pernah tinggalkan dirinya
Untuk diriku
________________________________________

hanya kernamu ku kan berkorban dan hanya kernamu kan ku berundur. mohon maaf jika hatimu ku luka lagi.

2006-09-03T22:25:00.000-07:00

it's been such a long time since i last write an entry about my day. okay, i'll type out one now.

went out with Fai today. the plan was either to Sentosa or Seoul Garden at Marina Square, but neither plans came out right 'cause i am TOO lazy to travel 'out of Singapore' and the money in my bank is still under 'Ledger Balance' which really frustrates me. so we end up sitting at Marina Promenade for half an hour before heading to Marina Square and Suntec to window-shop. i was wearing the Girly-Girl outfit, with the long skirt, short purple Cardi, black sleeveless and my new-bought shoe?! well i don't know what it's called so ya. haha! it was fun though we only manage to spend around 5 hours together. yeah it may be long to you but it's kinda short to me after so long we have been apart. i really miss him so much.

lately i fell in love with this song. hope you guys like it.

2006-09-02T23:31:00.000-07:00

cute icons i found!

2006-09-01T20:52:00.000-07:00

AWESOME SHIT!

2006-08-31T23:57:00.000-07:00

i think it's a slow thing. like a thief who comes to your house day after day, taking a little thing here, and a little thing there, and one day you walk round your house and there's nothing there to keep you, nothing to make you want to stay.

when love was at its peak, everything seemed so wonderful. as if nothing will break apart and nothing can bring us down. but when it's coming to a downfall, you would feel all alone, as if no one was there with you to guide you. i have never felt so frightened in my life. i don't want to lose him again, but the thing is i don't know whether i am trusting him as much as i do the last time. yeah love has always been between us and my worstnightmare was to ever lose him again or forever. i wouldn't want that to happen, but things never seem to happen correctly. i really do not want either him or me to mess things again.

love, we can always make things happen again won't we?

2006-08-30T23:48:00.000-07:00

love is pain

is that true? girls have to go through all the pain just to show how much we care for our partner. does he know that no one else can be compared to him?

i found a pack of cigarettes in Fai's bag while waiting for him during his urine test. if that thing didn't accidentally appear in front of my eyes, i would be fooled that he's totally a pure NON-SMOKER. yah you can say that i smoke, but i do tell him i smoke. he just agreed with me when i said that WE should be non-smokers. till when do he want to keep things from me?

after the display of my bad-moodness after his urine test, he confessed that he just started today. does it hurt to even tell me that? i wouldn't get angry if i know the truth 'cause i know that he, too, has temptations to smoke again. who doesn't?

why am i making this SMOKING thing such a big issue though he's a legal age of 27? 'cause if he would hide smoking from me, he can also simply hide drugging from me too.

just now i really felt that i wasted 3 months of my life waiting for him. yeah i played behind him but no matter what, no one can deny my undying love for Fai. i just feel so ****ed up!

2006-08-27T23:20:00.000-07:00

perhaps i've failed you, and indeed if somehow you've stopped loving me the way i believed you did, then i hold myself to blame

i feel the gap between us. it's as if two strangers who met recently and just stir up a conversation. i don't know why i am feeling this way. is this reality or is it just me? no matter how i try to think that maybe he's just too tired for the day, i can't keep myself from thinking that something is so wrong. no matter what, i will still be standing strong.

Faizal, i still love you.

2006-08-24T23:05:00.000-07:00

let's make this last forever!

reached his place at 1201hr, played with Ryan for a while before proceeding down to the car park to meet his dad. his mom, nephew and sister were all too happy, as i see, to meet him. though his sister wasn't able to tag along with us as she had her 'O' level English oral today she was, too, quite anxious.

reached Llyod Leas 'something' Worker's Prison at 1300hr. waited till around 1430hr for the whole briefing to end. his dad talked about things such as whether i am happy with him and advised me that i should never do foolish things. went silent after that 'cause we were so tired and famished.

after the briefing at 1430hr, had to wait outside the prison's main gate for Fai to exit. there we waited again for 15 minutes. at 1445hr there he was climbing down the stairs, smiling. i am not sure whether he was smiling at me or his parents, but my guess is that he smiled to his parents. my heart jumped when i saw him. i smiled and that was the moment i can never forget.

they hugged, they kissed. i only managed to wave 'hi'. i can see that he never expected me to be there. he was so happy to meet me. the first thing he said to me was 'kalau boleh i nak cium-cium you!' i only managed to smile 'cause words seemed too simple to express feelings.

went to Changi Village to munch. he ordered Nasi Lemak for me and his mom, Briyani for his dad and bro-in-law and satay for all of us. we ate and chat. then we went to his place. in the van his mom, him and me chatted about all the issues that we think he missed. we also spotted a KTM bike riding along us. we went all GILA when we spotted the bike. skin contact was enough for him to show how much he miss me.

at his place we [us] managed to get some time alone to talk about certain issues, but the hottest was about Sanjay. got to know that he told too many people that i am a major flirt but was kinda dickless whenever he saw Fai 'cause he avoided Fai at AWP. what did i do wrong to get this kind of remarks? Aishah ordered pizza hut and we watched DVD after that.

his dad sent me home at around 2000hr.

no matter what happens, he will always be MY BOO!<3

2006-08-20T22:37:00.000-07:00

this WEDNESDAY will be the day. will be right here waiting for you. love you baby!

2006-08-20T19:21:00.000-07:00

LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS 'TRI'LOGY! I DO NOT WISH TO GET MYSELF INVOLVED WITH YOU GUYS ANYMORE! I JUST HATE BEING LEFT OUT! ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S A . . . ARGH! JUST LEAVE!

i HATE it so much when people do not trust me.
i HATE it so much when i do not get involved when it's something important.
i HATE it so much when i say i love them, they pretend that i do not exist.
i HATE it so much when you only share it with people who you think is important to you.
well, ain't i someone to you to?
i told you everything i went through but did you even tell me what you went through?

JUST LEAVE ME OUT OKAY!

2006-08-20T13:13:00.000-07:00

'kerna hati ataupun rindu?'

been thinking too much about myself. who am i kidding? MYSELF OF COURSE! will he ever forgive me if he knows? will i still have him? will i still be able to love him? after so long i have been waiting i can't afford to lose him like that again. it's just crushing. i am supposed to wait for his phone call today but if by today no phones calls received, i will have to continue waiting. i just miss him too much. i know i am deceiving him. actually not only him. i am deceiving myself too. my friends ask me to choose the OBVIOUS choice but why am i procrastinating to make that move? till when should i continue lying? till when should i be gone from realtiy? till when should i be fooling around? i am tired of being in this condition. i am just losing myself slowly and the rate speeds up each day. i am just too shagged.

can't believe i am crying right now. god, help me.

2006-08-18T22:37:00.000-07:00

FINALLY! i get to have a little break from tests. actually IC test is due next week but gotta update too right?! haha!

nenepoms have a new blog. go check it out. do link us too!

after really making some space in my brain to fit in more information for today's LSP test, i am actually happy with what i have done 'cause i am positive that i WILL pass that test!

ok seriously i am out of words. haha!

quote of the day :there's more wrath to a woman's scorn

2006-08-13T22:31:00.000-07:00

changed my link : http://angst-.blogspot.com. haha! been wanting to do it for a long time but i do not have any ideas on the new address. so yeap!

2006-08-13T21:37:00.000-07:00

it's been so long. when will it end?

How Do I Live
by Leann Rimes

How do I get through one night without you
If I had to live without you
What kind of life would that be
Oh I, I need you in my arms
Need you to hold
You're my world, my heart, my soul

If you ever leave
Baby you would take away everything good in my life
And tell me now

How do I live without you
I want to know
How do I breathe without you
If you ever go
How do I ever, ever survive
How do I
How do I
Oh, how do I live

Without you, there'd be no sun in my sky
There would be no love in my life
There'd be no world left for me
And I, oh Baby, I don't know what I would do
I'd be lost if I lost you
If you ever leave
Baby you would take away everything real in my life
And tell me now

Please tell me baby
How do I go on

If you ever leave
Baby you would take away everything
Need you with me
Baby don't you know that you're everything good in my life
And tell me now

I Need You
by Leann Rimes

I don't need a lot of things
I can get by with nothin'
With all the blessings life can bring
I've always needed something
But I've got all I want when it comes to lovin' you
You're my only reason, you're my only truth

I need you like water, like breath, like rain
I need you like mercy from Heaven's gate
There's a freedom in your arms, that carries me through
I need you

Oh
You're the hope that moves me
To courage again, oh yeah
You're the love that rescues me
When the cold winds rage
And it's so amazin' cause that's just how you are
And I can't turn back now
Cause you've brought me too far

2006-08-09T15:37:00.000-07:00

Too Lost In You
by Sugababes

You look into my eyes
I go out of my mind
I can't see anything
Cos this love's got me blind
I can't help myself
I can't break the spell
I can't even try

I'm in over my head
You got under my skin
I got no strength at all
In the state that I'm in

And my knees are weak
And my mouth can't speak
Fell too far this time

Baby, I'm too lost in you
Caught in you
Lost in everything about you
So deep, I can't sleep
I can't think
I just think about the things that you do (you do)
I'm too lost in you
(Too lost in you)

ooh
Well you whispered to me
And I shiver inside
You undo me and move me
In ways undefined
And you're all I see
And you're all I need
Help me baby (help me baby)
Help me baby (help me now)

Cos I'm slipping away
Like the sand to the tide
Falling into your arms
Falling into your eyes
If you get too near
I might disappear
I might lose my mind

I'm going in crazy in love for you baby
(I can't eat and I can't sleep)
I'm going down like a stone in the sea
Yeah, no one can rescue me
(No one can rescue me)

Oooh, my baby
Oooh, baby, baby

2006-08-09T15:26:00.000-07:00

NENEPOMS!

we are made up of 4 different individuals and when meet, will make up NENEPOMS.

first up is our lovely DATIN IDA. the most nonsensical NENEPOM member. she's the CRAZIEST among us and has all the stupid jokes we will laugh our hearts to. she is also blissfully paired with FAZLIE and had built a relationship of 5 years with him. always encourages the other 3 girls and has all the best photos edited. a great photographer and also a crying shoulder. she understands me and always have the right words to soothe my rumbling heart. i love you loads babe!

second up is my miss Whoda Dooda. came in school abit late but quickly became the most friendliest girlfriend i ever had. in love with her favourite MARTIAN, but never know what she should do. though very sarcastic, she is able to be the most BRAINIEST babe i have. another great photomanipulator and alien storyteller. love you loads sayang.

lastly miss Lydia aka SELOWWW! she is the slowest in getting our stupid jokes but the fastest to catch in studies. another person i would laugh at with all the silly moves. always late but escapes all the punishments. a great neighbour and also a great listening ear. darling, i love you too!

guys, i am very sorry if lately i have been giving you guys attitude. i know i am not supposed to do that. i am truly very sorry. no matter what you guys would always be my favourite babes and you have been the greatest babes too! help me through my ordeal and once this is all over i want to change for the better. babes i am really sorry if i hurt you guys. i have been dissapearing from you guys and i missed out on all the fun you guys could ever offer. i will make time for you guys soon k. loving you guys more than ever.

2006-08-09T13:12:00.000-07:00

'kaulah sahabat, kaulah musibat!'

a blurp from Datin Ida and a true life account for me! let's make more nonsense NENEPOMS!

2006-08-09T12:30:00.000-07:00

haha! hate me all you want! man i love being SUHANA! go on ditch me! i want to make good terms with you but this is what you do?! man you have your BITCHES with ya! hell, i have my babes with me! go on ass, tell your girl what you hide!

2006-08-07T22:55:00.000-07:00

kerana sayang ataupun pon MEMBABI BUTA? hell you ain't know the whole story yet so mind your LANGUAGE!

2006-08-04T00:01:00.000-07:00

i really miss updating so im here updating now.

on tuesday i skipped my AC lesson to eat with my dearest NENEPOMS at TM Seoul Garden. it was my first time so yea! haha! i ate so much! lots of different kinds of meat and so on and so forth. well, as usual our MISS SELOWWW, with her HUGE appetite, ate so much and yet so slowly! argh! i manage to stuff myself with so much too! i even had to urine to release some body pressure before i can take in some more! i will make it a family day event very soon. haha!

last sunday after work i went to Pasir Ris to meet with some of my family members. i finally got to cycle! haha! i had so much fun. after that i went to Expo to watch Afi's performance. the food there SUCKED, but for hungry people like me it tasted 'so nice'! didn't get to watch Afi's performance eventually 'cause mom bugged me to return home. Argh!

well, what else happened? don't know la! haha! will be updating real soon!

and BTW, if u want to listen to the song from my previous entry, please deactivated my blog's song by pressing STOP at your toolbar. haha!

2006-08-03T23:40:00.000-07:00

Dayang Nurfaizah
Melerai Prasangka

Andai dapat ku selami
Ke dasar hatimu yang terdalam
Mencari dimana nilainya kasih
Bawaku bersama
Jelajahi segala yang tersimpan
Di dalam kamar hatimu

Dan disitulah kan bersinar
Pastikan ada cebis jawapan
Seikhlasnya tak dibayangi alasan
Melerai prasangka

Biarpun bertahun dugaan
Kian mengusik kesabaran
Namun ku tabah menempuh gelora
Dan bila aku merindu hadirmu
Mendamaikan keresahanku
Tapi mengapa hanya sementara

Kini
Selalu ku bersama
Melayari detik bahagia
Selagi adanya nafasku
Sayang tenungi mataku
Dan lafazkan sepenuh keikhlasan
Sejujur mana hatimu

2006-07-28T23:19:00.000-07:00

today was exciting. haha! well, i had SW where we played Captain's Ball. then Ms Kristy asked if anyone of us have not completed our NAFPA test so we raised our hands. she apologised that she didn't turned up during the holidays when we were supposed to have our retake. she said that she was sick. that was excusable.

came into IC class LATE! haha! we arrived at 9.20am when class actually starts at 9am! haha! EXCUSE ME! girls need a long time to change, that's why guys had to wait during dates! hehe! after IC was LSP, and after LSP was HOME SWEET HOME. i wasn't practically going home after school but instead i went out with Izuanto. after i had lunch with the NENEPOMS, i went to City Hall with Lydia and Huda, and Ida but she dropped at Bugis so that didn't count! anyways, after taking Huda's paycheck, i went over to Funan to get my MP3 changed but found out that i had to go to Sims Ave instead 'cause Inbox 5 had closed down. not sure for what reason.

met Izuanto at the National Library at Bugis. our first intention was to study but we ended up using the computer at the 9th level where the Malay cultural books were situated. haha! after that we headed down to Sim Lim Square to find me a new MP3.

after that we were so damn hungry so we decided to find some food at Cold Storage at Bugis but was to no avail. we were in a tight budget of $6! haha! so we decided to go down to Zam-Zam but it was closed for renovation. so we went to 7-11 and bought instant noodles. we ate in front of the keris shop at Arab St. saw adib! argh! and i am with Izuanto. wouldn't that be the HOTTEST gossip ever heard? haha! we made several mistakes actually. first he asked me to talk to Nazrul over the phone, then he 'tegur' Liyana then stupid me waved at Adib. argh! so be careful lor this Monday. haha!

i'm shagged. need to rest.

2006-07-25T22:35:00.000-07:00

i will not be blogging at the mean time 'cause seriously i have so much to blog about but it's just not coming out right.

2006-07-23T11:49:00.000-07:00

YOU JERK! you called me a 'MAJOR FLIRT' when you don't even know a thing what's happening. you are such an arse. i wish i had never known you my whole life. you are such a moronic creature. don't you see how much i struggled to keep it alive? you bastard! you blardy bastard. how i wish you can just vanish in thin air? you are such an arse! get lost you *.$#*!*%$*~! i don't know what else i should say other than 'BURN IN HELL!'

2006-07-18T22:46:00.000-07:00

MY BELOVED BABY FINALLY REPLIED MY LETTERS. WEE! I WILL LOVE YOU TILL MY VERY LAST BREATH. BABY, I AM SO IN LOVE WITH YOU. MWAHX!

2006-07-18T22:27:00.000-07:00

Here i am trying to keep up
With all this problems and troubles
Swollen up inside keeping it to myself
Crying all the tears of sadness and hatred
No one to rely on i stand all alone
Keeping on tight trying to find me
Standing at the edge staying too reluctant
Is it them or just me?
I tried with all might
I want to be free
Cut loose from all memoirs
I can't hide behind my shadows
I need to see reality
I cry in pain for you to see
But no matter how i can't reveal
The suffering i've been through
The sorrow i've cried
The hurts you're caused i just can't hide
For now i need time
To change and renew myself

this is my FIRST most perfect poem in English that i am proud of. written last year in the midst of my 'O' Level. i really was so down due to some 'things' i was facing during that time. this is total CRAP lor. haha!

2006-07-18T12:53:00.000-07:00

at this point of time, my heart sinks so deep. i am facing so many problems. why i am feeling this way you may ask. it's plainly because i am facing so many challenges right now.

my mom disagrees with me working at Swensen's when she doesn't know what i am facing at my old work place
i miss my NENEPOMS and JB0604C babes SO MUCH!
i want Fai Baby right now with me.
i want to quit all the lies i am telling everyone.
i hate the fact that i am not accepted within my family just because i didn't follow their needs.

while i am typing this, tears never fail to appear. i hope that i will be strong enough to face this challenges. AMIN.

2006-07-16T01:33:00.000-07:00

fancy calling yourself a bestfriend huh? you only come to me when you have all the boyfriend stories bullshit! i am sick of your stories. boys does not evolve in our clock all the time. i am SO not jealous that you have all the guys who are attracted to you. you're pretty, i am not. you tell me all those tales as if the boys would care. REALITY CHECK : they don't! they just are here to make our life miserable. by the way, yea i do love you but i HATE you when it comes to you talking about guys. you don't live for them so FCUK CARE UH!

2006-07-16T00:15:00.000-07:00

that's me! courtesy of my beloved TWIN sister, naddy! hehe! wee! beb! its CRUELA ler! but it's okay. i love you!

2006-07-15T11:10:00.000-07:00

Zawiyah Mohd Muliana, a second-year Biochemical Teachnology student passed away after she fell off her bicycle while cycling with her frineds at Pulau Ubin. let us say a few prayers for her and may ALLAH bless her. Amin.

i may not know her but i saw her a few times before in school. just gonna miss her few appearance at school.

2006-07-15T01:00:00.000-07:00

Usah Diragui

Sayang
Di mataku diriku
Siapapun daku
Usah diragui
Usah curigai
Hati ini

Sayang
Kita pernah bicara
Pada suatu ketika
Tentang cita-cita
Tentang hari muka
Tentang cinta

Ku masih jua
Seperti dulu
Putaran waktu
Tak merubah hatiku

Sayang
Sesungguhnya ku tahu
Bukan mudah bagimu
Semua yang berlaku
Akan mengujimu
Mengujiku

Apa terjadi
Usah ragui
Hati ini

2006-07-15T00:57:00.000-07:00

okay i have switched my computer on and off so many times within the last 2 hours trying to figure out what i should do.

i wanted to write my friend a testimonial : FAILED!
i wanted to create a poem : FAILED!
i wanted to sing myself a song to feel better : FAILED!

today i am so screwed up. prada misinterprete my previous entry, i am confused with myself right now, my handphone was cut off. argh!

haiqal, thank you for listening to my crap since Thursday. told you i'm so messed up! izuanto, you are a great little shopping-spree partner. lovelove!

okay. i just got nagged for not waking up at 5am everyday for my prayers. then why aren't you doing it yourself?

i miss going to school with Lydia, Kelvin, Izwan and Fairoz. argh!

yeay-ness! i got a job at Swensen's! hehe! thank you HAIQAL! wee!

this Sunday will be my last day at Chettinad Curry. say goodbye to Curry. Hello Ice-Cream!

whoda, when are you gonna crap about your day? i have been visiting your blog almost everyday but nothing new is up!

alright people, i am getting sleepy but yet i have not fulfil my task which i want to fulfil today. haiz..

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY ZIZIE!

2006-07-14T00:44:00.000-07:00

hear this MISTER MOHAMED FAIZAL. i need you right now with me. i miss you so dearly. and right now i have no faith in myself. i miss you so much. so so much. i'm tearinf apart right now. crying doesn't seem to ease the pain. yet it makes me look weaker. she's happy but i am not. i am faithful and i want FAIZAL now with me. i love him so much. all the lies i tell is just because i miss my baby a whole lot. i just want faizal. PRADA, I REALLY WANT FAIZAL ONLY. I WANT TO HUG HIM. I WANT TO LOVE HIM. I WANT HIM SOLELY. I WANT FAIZAL. how miserable i feel can never be described with just words. i want faizal. i really want him now. oh god, make my dream come true. i want faizal.

2006-07-13T22:52:00.000-07:00

love, i didn't mean to betray you. i am very sorry if i did but my heart swayed for just that moment. i had a huge crush for that guy. i think i really felt so lonely. i do not wish this to happen but i just want you to know that i have never ver stooped loving you, even for a second. i really hope you are here with me so i would not fall for any other guy except you. believe me i didn't do it on purpose.

Yours sadly,
CRUELA

2006-07-12T13:24:00.000-07:00

wow! i am overwhelmed with what i am feeling right now. well, had so many things that i didn't expect to happen in such a short period of time.

let's start with yesterday. due to the longing of being with my baby, i messaged Aisyah to ask how was Fai. she said that she will be meeting him this Wednesday. so i said to say Hi to him for me. and that's just it. PERIOD. well, i don't know whether they just want to make the whole thing a family thing and do not want me to be included. i just don't know alright. i just hope my baby will still be looking for me once he comes out. i just want him back. just him.

today. after i had breakfast, mom started talking about just gaining new experience from the job offer i got. she really made me feel so small these days. yesterday about Fai and Afi. today, iabout the job. guess what i am feeling like doing. actually i just want to head down to Esplanade to just ease my mind.

i just profile-hopped at Friendster and i don't know why i'm feeling so damn jealous about Razali being engaged. i think it's because of THAT frigging shit that had been bothering me ever since i stepped out of his place when i went over to download some mp3 songs. i am so damn stupid to fall for that trick. over and over again i feel so damn stupid. i can't believe it ever happened. just could'nt. at this moment of time i just want to break the promise i gave to him. that i want to jeopadize his life. really. i am just feeling so down.

2006-07-11T21:55:00.000-07:00

am i being too sensitive? am i making myself look so frail? am i being so naive? am i having so much negative thoughts? i don't know. someone, help me!

2006-07-11T21:32:00.000-07:00

hey mom look! i'm crying! are you happy now? after criticising me, praying that i won't stay long with Faizal. hey your nephew's not doing anything wrong. he just 'excused' himself from going to work, that's all. the simplest job that an NSmen can ever be offered. sitting down in an office and do administration stuff, while my boyfriend is in jail because he did drug ONCE! what's worst? AWOL for so long or drugging ONCE?

don't you know how to differentiate them both? Afi has always been busy with STUPID things stuff as such his keris obssesion while Fai has been workng his butt of. Afi won't be marrying a lady anytime soon but Fai's going to marry me.

at this moment i need a comforting shoulder for me to cry on. if possible let Fai be here. i can't take this anymore.

2006-07-10T22:34:00.000-07:00

Miss You Like Crazy by The Mofatts

i used to call you my girl
i used to call you my friend
i used to call you the love
the love that i never had

when i think of you
i don't know what to do
when will i see you again

i miss you like crazy
even more than words can say
i miss you like crazy
every minute and every day
girl i'm so down
when your love's not around
i miss you, miss you like crazy

you're all that i want
you're all that i need
can't you see how i feel
can't you see that my pain's so real

when i think of you
i don't know what to do
when will i see you again

i miss you like crazy
even more than words can say
i miss you like crazy
every minute and every day
girl i'm so down
when your love's not around
i miss you, miss you like crazy

this is how i feel at this very minute. i don't miss any girl but i miss a guy. that guy which i call my love. i miss him so much and i wish i will never stop loving him.

2006-07-10T19:14:00.000-07:00

was this morning's game a reality? i can't believe it! italy actually won the world cup. OH NO! what happened to you honey? why did you headed that italian guy? i know you are angry but not to the extent of beating that guy up right? but sweety you did your best. this will be your last game. hope you will make use of this break wisely. meet my mom and prepare whatever should be prepared aight. but if you are late, i will marry MR FAIZAL. first-come-first-serve basis uh! hehe! macam paham je baudak Suhana ni tau!

i'm at home, slacking! haha! since it's the holidays, i just it's better to rest at home 'cause if not i will be going out every single day which is not good for my body 'cause i have not been resting myself. haha! i decided that during this holidays i want to do something good for my mom. maybe help her around at home or something. so far i have done the laundry HALF-WAY. haha! lovelove!

woke up at 1.30pm today after hanging out in my room, watching soccer. hehe! in the afternoon, Fai's sister messaged me to ask whether Escape Theme Park is open today. 'fred not. i think she's planning to go there with her boyfriend 'cause after that, i receive yet another message from her saying 'u, escape tutup.. tapi wild2 wet buka.. ' guess she's dating already. i don't know and i don't care 'cause i have no time to care about my own things, what more caring about someone else's personal stuff? haha! WHATEVER!

baby, it has been a while that i have so much missed your presence. 30 days till release and i can't wait to greet you again. i have missed you so much and it kills to not see you around. once you are out, let's do all the fun stuff we missed doing okay. do make sure that our flame love will still burn no matter the great distance between us.

lots of love,
CRUELA

2006-07-09T23:30:00.000-07:00

my new found love [part-time, while the World Cup fever is still on!]

2006-07-09T23:02:00.000-07:00

well had loads of things to do for the last three days. A LOT OF THINGS! haha! friday i went to kin's chalet. i really feel left out uh. haha! everyone was cam-whoring while i am so damn busy thinking of what to do. well, i am not jealous they did not ask me along to cam-whore with them but what am i there for when you invite me along? WTF uh! frigging boring uh! guess what? my ex-physics teacher brought wine as kin's birthday present. WTF uh! SHE'S MUSLIM FOR GODNESS SAKE! haha! got to spend half hour by the beach, at night la of course! hehe! left at around 2230hr and met up with babe janah. since she saw me walking like a girl walking in pure pain [which is damn true] she gave me a few bucks to have a cab ride home. thank you so muchie for that ok! by the way people i didn't ask her for money okay so don't think otherwise hah!

on saturday i had full shift at work. kena curry at 1330hr when my shift ended at 2230hr. how depressing can that be? haha! i wore an apron to hide the curry stain. i cover my shirt with my bag when i was on my way home that day. so terok la the splash! haha!

today worked at raffles. the boss asked me to work till 5pm. i 'excuse' myself by saying i have something important to attend to so i left at 3pm. went window-shopping with Izuanto, my new shopping partner, with a difference. he's male and he's younger than me. *-wee-* can bully liao! haha! we bought chessecake, auntie anne's pretzel and the new Daisy oat milk. guess what? he's totally like me la! he takes all the free stuff we came across. for example, at Carrefour. there's sample for their brand new bread. i grab the sample with one hand and walked away. when i turned to find him, he was behind me with a hand full of the bread also! haha! then there's this lady who gave out free samples for the new Daisy oat milk. i took a cup and he took one too. since it was nice, we bought 500ml of it and split between us. ate in front of the Koi Graden at Suntec. Funny shit uh! haha!

tomorrow i will be going down to CPF building to check whether that blardy boss of mine cuts my pay for CPF. he's really going to be in deep shit if he tricks me.

afi is in detention for AWOL for 27 days. now i think i can get the rough picture of what's happening behind that cell once he's out. now he knows how's Bbay is feeling. fancy for looking down at me for having such a boyfriend. i am so sad for what you said.

i hope France will win. Germany got third already. god, make France the FIFA World Cup 2006 champion! rock on! wohoo!

2006-07-09T22:19:00.000-07:00

#su N prada#
#my friends#
#group photo1#
#group photo 2#

2006-07-06T17:45:00.000-07:00

these are the most 'kecorable' people i have ever come across. gonna miss you guys a whole lot! muackx!

2006-07-05T22:37:00.000-07:00

this week had been the worst. on Sunday, my aunt divorced. On Monday, my sort of uncle passed on. later that night got to hear from my mom that my cousin will be detained for AWOL. On Tuesday, i felt so sad that my baby's aint here with me. On Wednesday, which is today, i went to school so damn early in the morning to find that i went to school for monthing. i am supposed to have my 2.4km run today. let me predict about tomorrow. well, tomorrow will be my anniversary with Faizal and it is also the visiting day but i couldn't go. first i am working, next it wouldn't be nice if his parents didn't want me to come along but i insist so i just let it go. on friday will be kin's chalet. i am still not sure if mom allows me to attend it. saturday will be my full shift at work, from 11am to 10pm. sighz..

sometimes my heart bleeds so hard that only water flows in my veins. tears i shed didn't seem enough to express my actual feelings. only my shadows of happiness helped me to drown all those pain away.

well germany is OUT! argh! but i am going to support France now 'cause ZINEDINE ZIDANE is in it! wohoo! hehe! actually i don't know anything about soccer and i don't know who influenced me to like Zidane. oh well.

have i told you guys that i have not received any letter from Fai these days? is he too busy at yard time or that blardy GUNDU who checked my letter did not allow my letter to pass through? i really hope to hear from him REALLY SOON 'cause you can't expect me to laugh at old jokes over and over again. gimme something new. guards, please let my baby read my letter. please.

now i am going through my friends list and Friendster. i feel kind of pathetic not because i have so little people in my account but because i have 3 profiles of my so-called bestfriends but till now have you ever heard of me talking about having bestfriends?! NO! 'cause it's only a title but in reality, i seem to be bullshit. lucky for me i have my homies at school to lighten up my burden of facing life daily. gonna miss their craziness this holidays.

2006-07-03T23:41:00.000-07:00

where is all the 'i love you' when i really need it?
where is all the late night calls when i am lonely?
where is all the hugs and kisses when i yearns for it?
where is the presence of you when it comes to memorable places?
where is the laughter and snorting when i feel like doing it?
where is the fun and excitement in every new journey of my life?
where is my main motivator when i am really feeling down?
where is that shoulder for me to cry on when i am tearing down?
where is that man who would wait for me outside Raffles Chettinad Curry everytime after work?
where is the guy who stole my heart away ever since love was in the air?
where is my window-shopping partner when the Great Singapore Sale is here?
where is my Coffee Bean dining partner when i crave for Chessecake and Pure Vanilla?
where is all the Marina Promenade moments together every weekend?
where is my secret diary when i really want someone's listening ear?
where is my bike license motivator when i want to make that drastic decision so soon?
where is my Scrambler-addict when i want to hear someone else's interest?
where is the person i can be a child again?
where is the person i can sing to and wouldn't criticise me?
where is that man who would scold me everytime i smoke?
where is my mirror when i need to check on my make-up?
where is the man-blocker when my undies got stuck?
where is that man who would listen to me crap about life?
where is the guy who always send me home after every outing?
where is that guy who would accompany me to Mustafa Centre to smell the latest fragrance?
where is that man who hated Barney so much?
where is the kid in him when i am in a toy store?
where is my Transformer maniac who would make me laugh each time he do the robot thingy?
where is my movie partner who i can snuggle with but not interrupe my movie session?
where is my victim of cam-whoring?
where is my Spongebob boxer man and my Pink Panther ladies boxer criticizer?
where is my Swensens eating partner when i really want the ice-cream?

i am really searching for this particular mn i have been describing. anyone who manage to get him for me will get my most generous friendship. if this person knows who he is, he should come forward so i can hug him tightly and tell him that i will never let him go again and i will prove that he will never be replaced.

a personal note to Mr Faizal : baby, i really miss you so much. i have not miss someone this much and i want you to know i miss you so much. i really hope that our relationship would last 'cause no other guy made me feel the same way you made me feel. your love blinded me from all the people out there and it seems so hard to be unreminded of you, even for a second. baby, i am so addicted to you. i love you so much. don't ever leave me again baby. i beg you.

2006-07-01T19:40:00.000-07:00

i am angered but the actions of some unresponsible people. they do all the things which are out of their minds. .HIM. used me once & see where i end up now. .HIM. kissed me on Valentine's Day and .HIM. is now engaged with a very pretty girl i must say. you did more things to me you DEVIL. and i am repeating myself. you owe me $20. it may be little to you but it's a bomb to me. you should be able to pay it 'cause if you can afford to hold an engagement, $20 is peanut! so pay up. by the way people, .HIM. ASKED A GIRL FOR MONEY FOR HIS BIKE'S PETROL. what an embarasement! promise me to pay back huh? don't bullshit man!

2006-06-29T22:50:00.000-07:00

today i started my day very badly. well, i don't wish to share it online but i just want the world to know that it started out REAL BAD! anyway, i ate breakfast with kelvin in the morning before heading to school. his treat, since he really wants to 'blanja' me so much. head to Bukit Batok MRT Station but before that i applied for a debit card at POSB. took around 10 minutes then i head to the trains station.

as usual if me and kelvin is early, wan is late. so gotta wait for him. upon reaching Jurong East platforn, saw Fara waiting for aisyah. they took the train which came and still no signs of izwan. waited some more and saw Hafiz. luckily the train after aisyah was izwan's train so there he was with fairoz & prasad. then prasad said to wait for abid. wait some more. then came hafiz rushing to school. he took the rain before ours and we took the train after his. adib's hair was like tycoon but he still looks cute! ok.shush! i have no feelings for him aight! just the classmate thingy going on la. crush i mean. still i like Randy the best! hehe! oops!

basically i was the only female among my people. the PRINCESS la! haha! dumb-bell-shit!trip to school was boring. no cute guys to look at. oh well.

late for school. at the bus stop at tanah merah, saw this sinile guy who adib said was his family member. what the hell! haha! he kept lookig at me and fairoz. haha! maybe he's bisexual. he got a free ride on the bus just by raising his hands up at the bus driver. the funny part was he shook hands with this ITE Simei guy who sat behind the driver's seat. that guy was astounded with the man's actions but he just acted normal. haha! funny sia!

reach school at around 1306hr but we went to Cafe 1 to get some munchies before heading to class. good Mdm Rohaidah didn't motion us to sit at the back. haha! had AC then LM. after school met Afi at bugis. went to the keris shop he have been talking about. the shop was small but had so may keris. neat! haha!

ouh! i'm tired. tomorrow will be my 2.4km run. goody good luck! love ya'all, and love faizal too! mising him loads!

2006-06-28T16:09:00.000-07:00

now i'm in school. waiting for my CA to get ready so we can continue with our contact time. now i really am so bored! haha! as usual all my NENEPOMS are msn-ing as usual! i'm here blogging. that's gonna be my next favourite pastime. my 'i miss you like carzy' song is playing and the whole lab can hear the song. so touching! haiz. just now, suddenly, i missed faizal so suddenly. haiz. i don't know why i'm feeling that way so suddenly. really i miss him so damn badly. i just wish he was outside school so he could pick me up and maybe get a grab before we head home. to be even more romantic, we can head down to Marina Promenade and watch the sun set. man i really miss him alot. god, bring him back to me. i want him. i need him. i love him.

2006-06-24T23:30:00.000-07:00

today will be the happiest day of my life this week. CemTa [Centre for Music and The Arts] called me up during work just now & said that i am to attend a get-together this friday, from 3pm to 6pm. i am accepted to join ITE College East [Simei] Drama Club. Wohoo! i can't describe how happy i was! i really needed that motivation at that point of time 'cause work was already retarding for me. haha!
m gona tell my nenepoms on MONDAY!

yesterday i had my IC test which i think i will FAIL WITH FLYING COLOURS! haha! i don't know how to do any of the question! pardon me people : i hate chemistry! after school, the nenepoms went to Marina Promenade to get some fresh air. since whoda, ida & me knows how to adapt ourselves to the breeze while our lil miss ~~SELOW~~ became really restless 'cause she's ain't the type of sitting down. she wants to move around. still i got myself an hour to be by the bay. i think that should be enough if i am with friends. think i'll go there again once my BB is out.

the day before, while i was in the train going home from school, along with Izwan and Kelvin, i saw this ever cutey. he's HOT! haha! got his photo in my phone which was not THAT clear, thanks to Wan who asked my to shoot while HOTTIE wasn't looking front.
still, my heart yearns for THAT touch of yours.

to .naz and ida, being in love at 14 doesn't mean it is puppy love literally. i really look up at you guys 'cause you manage to hold on with your partners for 2 & 5 years respectively & you fall in love at the age of 14. i salute you guys! *respectz-

till now i couldn't make myself feel at ease. your presence is the only thing i missed. never was there a time which i had hated you. day by day, i have loved you. strong emotions runs through my veins & the only thing i want now is you. baby, please come back to me. i need you. i need you so. love, i want you.

2006-06-21T21:53:00.000-07:00

i really want to tell this to all the people who will be reading this particular entry : GUYS ARE A YOUNG AGE REALLY HAVE UNMATURED BRAINS!

i want to say this because i came across this BOY who viewed my profile & his primary photo was him with his girlfriend, hugging. seriously i am not against you guys doing that 'cause 1st it's your life so i shouldn't care. 2ndly, i can't tell you what to do 'cause man, i'm ain't your people! but at maybe [i think] 14, you are still not mature enough to be talking about love. maybe if it's puppy love, i will believe you but here i am telling you, as a nearly-matured adult, being 'in love' at that age is dumb! i am seriously not jealous of you cam-whoring with your girlfriend but WTH! you are NOT MATURED! futhermore, i can estimate that girl's age. 12 to 13 maybe? in fact, now, whenever i recall back my past, i feel so stupid to have steady boyfriends at that age. monkey-loving isn't cute or cool i tell you. it's plain stupid. seriously, look back and you will see that for yourself.

anyway, back to my life. yesterday, i skipped my 2.4km run for a date with my lovely cousin. we planned to find her shoes at Bugis [though FINALLY we did it] but we watched Silent Hill instead. the show was great but there was no ending. for sho' there will be a part 2. can't they just be straight forward for once? anyway, we bought hot dogs & combo 2. guess what? we mispronounce popcorn for 'pomcorns' and' corkporns'! haha! funny shit sia! haha! we cousins love to spot each other! haha! headed to clementi after the movie & a few rounds of seraching of shoes at Bugis Village. found i-don't-know shoes at Clementi Bata [Buy And Throw Away]. ate at hazwani then headed home. & as always we will sure forget to collect things from each other if we leave it with the other person. this time, she forgot to take her file from me. haha! so i met her up today at her workplace to give her her file. cousins, thanks for all the free food you gave. now i know how delicious free stuff can be! haha!

gotta mug for tomorrow's LSP test! tata!

2006-06-18T10:26:00.000-07:00

ATTENTION! do anyone know who's the man behind this email address : blue.leech@hotmail.com ? if you do, tag me the identity of this person ok. he or she had won himself or herself a Creative MP3 but he or she has not collected it yet. please come forward. please stand up BLUE.LEECH!

anyway, this morning, before i went to bed, i wrote a letter to Fai. since i couldn't afford to write to him daily, so i think it's best to write to him weekly. baby, i am so sorry i couldn't visit you on the 22nd 'cause i have a practical test on that day. *sobx-

how badly i miss Fai you may ask. it is so bad that my *NENEPOOPS- became my victims of stupidity & insanity! haha! well, i am already going bonkers but with them, i can control myself. still as crazy as always! haha!

actually i don't have an idea of what to blog but i'm here wasting time before i prepare to go for my netball match, downstairs, at the netball court at 1240hr. hidop mati T-Virus!

2006-06-17T22:23:00.000-07:00

"do not allow time thread our lives away. value each second. once we are out of thread, there will be no way we can complete our sewing."

THAT sounds way nicer in Malay but i am not a translator, but i hope you get the idea of what i am saying. well, at this point of time, i am thinking about life. what have i done good to bring myself to Heaven in the afterlife? have i been a 'goody two shoes' on God's Earth, and have i reached out to people who needs my help? i hope god bless my soul and i hope that i can do deeds before i move on. AMIN..

well, my week at school seem to pass so fast and it's 7 weeks to Fai's release. on wednesday, there were performances performed by our student & one of the performance really made me think on life. it was this 2 small humans performing a dance. a girl & a boy. i really mean A GIRL & A BOY. the girl was girlish & the boy is girlish too. ok this may seem stupid to you but to me, it's an issue. the boy is like 12 for God's sake & see what's he's turning himself into. man, has he been fucked upside down yet? i may be very unwise to use that words but what has been going around on this Earth? why can't you just treasure yourself being a boy? you got a dick so use it to fuck girls, not jerks! seriously, i just don't like watching him being so 'pondannish'. he will look hot being a male. a STRAIGHT male! god, please forgive him.

ok on thursday, me, lydia, lay hoon, hafiz, gladdy, kelvin & this other chinese guy whose name i can never learn went to beach road to eat dinner. i had mutton chop while the rest get don't know what. then came along an old lady who sold us crackers but we all just donated money. we took a picture with her & hope that that picture can be used for our PIE project. i am so lazy to find materials for that project. had fun with you guys. love ya'all!

yesterday i went Geylang-ing with Izwan. not to hotels but to get my parents medicines and perfumes. i had fun 'cause i was so damn childish. we spit ice on birds, we talked about stupid things that occur all around us & whatever.

ok, next up. actually nothing's up. lots of tests will commence next week so i really got to mugg. woaw! IC theory la, AC practical la, LSP practical la. WHAT LA! haha! [IC : Introductory Chemistry. this is where we learn normal chamistry. AC : Analytical Chemistry. we learn how to operate machineries in this lesson. LSP : Laboratory Safety Practice. we learn how to keep ourselves safe during practicals.]

tomorrow will be a friendly netball match with Madrasah Al-Irsyad. i hope i can still play. have not been practicing. fina, give me the easiest position please!

suddenly you came to mind & i missed you so much. i wish that you could be here with me. i really want you right now. i miss you baby, i really do miss you. make me love you once again like old times. make me believe in fairytales once again. make me the princess & you be the prince. i love you.

2006-06-17T21:37:00.000-07:00

Semudah itu kau ucapkan
Kata maaf kekasihku
Setelah kau lakukan lagi
Kesalahan yang sama

Dimana perasaanmu
Saat kau melakukan
Salah yang sama

Inikah cara dirimu
Membalas tulus cinta
Yang telah ku beri

Menyakitkan...
Bila cinta (ku) ...
Dibalas dengan dusta...

Namun mencintamu...
Takkan ku sesali...
Kerna aku yang memilihmu

Dibalas Dengan Dusta by Audy

2006-06-16T23:30:00.000-07:00

if i didn't trust you, i don't think i can stand this strong.

why only now i find out all this about you? why didn't you mentioned it to me before? it didn't bother me that much yesterday, but now it is. i didn't mean to invade your privacy but why do i have to find it out only now? why can't you make me understand why you are doing this to me? why do i have to find it out only now? i am really so damn FCUKINGLY sad. really hurt me so much. i don't wish to communicate.

2006-06-14T22:09:00.000-07:00

yeay! i found myself a new found crush. i ain't revealing the name just as yet 'cause in some point of time he may hate me but WHATEVER! baby, this make me want to go to school. not bacause i'm loving you less each day but it is one of the 2 things i will look forward to going to school each day, other than studies itself.

haha! actually my heart don't beat so fast everytime i see him like how my heart felt like to crawl out of my body each time i see my baby, but it's just the sweet smile of his. i miss my baby's sweet smile so at least by seeing him smile, it will make me smile too. actually tat is the only point in him that makes me have a tiny crush on him. PERIOD! nothing more than that.

wohoo! the day is nearing soon, so soon that i wished it is tomorrow. haha! but 59 days will be a short while i know 'cause it has been for the last 34 days. i am so in love with my baby. love's growing each day for him. i love him ALOT. & i'll make him mine forever.

to my dear classmates, i know my boyfriend's cute! & remember that no matter how i love to disturb our guy classmates, my heart will only beat for FAIZAL, no one else. if you want proof, cut my body into half, search for my heart & see the name 'FAIZAL' engraved on my heart.

ps : i love you!

2006-06-14T21:39:00.001-07:00

madly in love

crazily in love

utterly in love

. . . . with YOU!

it's you baby! i'm in love with YOU!

2006-06-13T23:25:00.000-07:00

i just couldn't help it. i just feel so fucked up. why this fate? why me? why reality hit me this hard? i hate me!

i miss Faizal, i really do.

someone, take me to him. get him out. reunite us.

is this utter blissfulness, still, or was it meant to be?

i am really in love.

2006-06-13T22:29:00.000-07:00

i apologise if i did bitch around. i was so confused when it came to you. i didn't notice that you were there for me, yet all i could ever think was him. now you are mine & he is history, but yet how i could forget how much i hurt you? do you know that each time i am reminded of you, i feel so blessed? not only because you are mine now, but also because you mean everything to me. would i ever let you go you ask me. i never will will be my answer. i know that once you are gone, there will be no return. i have loved you since the day i saw you, i swear, and i am sorry if it hurts to know the truth.

i just couldn't forgive myself baby, i really couldn't.

also, that event where distrust sets in, i felt so distort. how could i not see how much you care & how much love you are giving me? but yet i was so naive. i was too egoistic. baby, i am really very sorry. i swear i didn't mean to hurt you, but i did.

i still couldn't forgive myself.

baby, tell me you have forgiven me. tell me that you love me. tell me that i am all you want. tell me how much i mean to you. tell me that you want me.

make me yours & only yours. please don't go, i plead to you.

don't go.

2006-06-12T22:07:00.000-07:00

do you know how much i miss your presence? the way you smiled and say hello everytime you meet me, the way you wink at me as if it was only meant for me, the way you apologize sweetly when you were late even if it's just for a few minutes. i never thought all this things would affect me so much, yet it did & forever will. baby, forgive me if i have never recognised all the small things you did for me. now i realise how meaningful they are. you are missed by me.

2006-06-11T23:33:00.000-07:00

kinda boring today. went to work, then go to study, after which i went to borders, met aisyah [fai's sister] for a while before going to kino then i head home. ok i went to work to work. i went to esplanade to study my chemistry, actually to refresh my mind which i actully didn't head towards my goal of studying 'cause after i wrote a letter for fai, i got distracted with this chinese woman in front of me who DESPARATELY need my study space for her newspaper which she wanted to spread so i ot no choice but to allow her to do that 'cause i am in a public library.

i went to borders & kino to find my school books which eventually was to no avail, & as i have said, i met with aisyah at orchard MRT Station & since she was rushing to meet her date, just had a chance to say hi before we seperate ways. she's getting nicer to me. don't know. maybe because of that day when she & i really got to mingle for some time. i now feel comfortable to relate with her 'cause we both get the rough idea of each other. at least i have.

well i really miss my baby so much. i received a letter from him yesterday & i replied to him just now. i just wish i had the time to write to him everyday, but because of my tight schedule, i could only afford to blog for him to know whatever is happening in my life, IF he gets to read this blog.

anyway, mom was the one anxious upon receiving fai's letter. she even ALLOWED me to read my letter before she read it. do you get what i am trying to say? she is giving me permission to read my own letter! WTH! she said she could have the letters hidden from me. i swear that if she is going to do that, she's gonna see the whole house messy with clothes all over tha place as if someone just bugled the house. i swear! whatever mom!

i really miss my PRADA babe. i just want her right now. i want to hug her, telling her that i miss her so much. i pity you babe. jay's gonna be ok aite. don't worry. holla me anytime.

loveliness of his smile i miss so much. i just wish it could melt my heart at this particular moment. faizal, i miss you so much sweetheart.

2006-06-10T21:59:00.000-07:00

ALERT! THIS IS THE PEOPLE I MISS MOST! TAG ME IF YOU SEE YOU!

2006-06-09T19:08:00.000-07:00

i never imagine how it felt like when people are apart from their loved ones for so long. now i am feeling them. it feels so strange. that one goodbye meant so long & the return is so unsure. i really didn't want to let him go but what could i do. i pray each day for his safety, hopefully he will be fine. will it occur to him how grateful i am to know him? do he know that he's the one? will he know my heart's content? i just don't feel right right now. my main motivator is gone. even if it means for a while, it is as if he has been gone for so long. will he know that i love him? i don't want to lose him, in anyway, anymore. i want to hold him tight to me, & if i dould, i want to tie him to me so he would never leave. baby, i love you so much & right now i am missing you so much too.

2 months & 10 days. i will count till the day you come out. i will wait for you at that gate & open my arms for you. i want you to know how much love i have for you.

will be waiting. till then.

2006-06-09T17:49:00.000-07:00

Remember the first day when I saw your face?
Remember the first day when you smiled at me?
You stepped to me, and then you said to me,
I was the woman you dreamed about.
Remember the first day when you called my house?
Remember the first day when you took me out?
We had butterflies although we tried to hide it,
And we both had a beautiful night.

The way we held each other's hand,
The way we talked, the way we laughed,
It felt so good to find true love
I knew right then and there you were the one
ooh oh oooh

I know that he loves me, cause he told me so
I know that he loves me, cause his feelings show
When he stares at me, you see he cares for me
You see how he is so deep in love
I know that he loves me cause it's obvious
I know that he loves me cause it's me he trusts
And he's missing me, if he's not kissing me
And when he looks at me his brown eyes tell his soul

Remember the first day, the first day we kissed?
Remember the first day we had an arguement?
We apologized, and then we compromised
And we haven't argued since
Remember the first day we stopped playing games?
Remember the first day you fell in love with me?
It felt so good for you to say those words
Cause I felt the same way too
The way we held each other's hand,
The way we talked, the way we laughed
It felt soo good to fall in love
And I knew right then and there you were the one ooh oh ohh woah

I know that he loves me, cause he told me so
I know that he loves me, cause his feelings show
When he stares at me you see he cares for me
You see how he is so deep in love,
I know that he loves me cause it's obvious
I know that he loves me cause it's me he trusts
And he's missing me, if he's not kissing me
And when he looks at me his brown eyes tell his soul.

I'm so happy, so happy that you're in my life
And baby now that you're a part of me
You showed me,
Showed me the true meaning of love (the true meaning of love)
And I know he loves me

I know that he loves me, cause he told me so
I know that he loves me, cause his feelings show
When he stares at me you see he cares for me
You see how he is so deep in love
I know that he loves me cause it's obvious
I know that he loves me cause it's me he trusts
And he's missing me, if he's not kissing me
And when he looks at me his brown eyes tell it so
He looks at me and his brown eyes...
Tell it so

------------------------------------------------
dedicated to my beloved love, Mr Faizal, for making him fall deeply in love with him. now, i couldn't imagine myself without his existance. thank you for all the love you showed me. i am also in love with you.

2006-06-09T00:12:00.000-07:00

today is the most happiest day of my life : i got to meet up with my baby.

it started out at 9.30am when his parents picked m up in front of Ar-Raudhah Mosque before proceeding to Admiralty West Prison. i was really uncomfortable as it is so strange for me to be in such situations where i am the only sranger in that small space. but since i knew his sister, aisyah, it didn't turn out so bad. talked to her a bit about life. nothing in particular to talk about.

reached that place at around 10.10am. his mother registered us in. in order for me to see Fai, his mother had to lie about me being his fiancee. i don't feel right 'cause it's not right at all. because i wanted to meet him, his father had to stay behind with his nephew. i really feel bad. but since his father insisted on me going in, i had no other choice to follow as he was the leader.

the wait to go meet him felt so long. it was long actually. had to wait till 11.15am. while waiting we [me. his mother & aisyah] talked about social issues such as the visit from the Japanese Emperor or something similar. then she disturbed me about really being engaged with Faizal. he's still inside sweetheart! i was so damn nervous on meeting Fai at the same time.

the wait was over and when i was walking to the room to find for Fai, my heart was beating so fast. i wondered how he looked like now. when i see him, my heart beat slower 'cause then, i got to see his face. he was excited upon looking at my face. i guess he is happy. [of course he is happy, duh!] we asked him whether he's enjoying life in there whether he already had his body shaped. all the questions which we just want him to answer. he can never take his eyes off me when we were talking. though i can only see him through a glass panel & i barely hear his voice, i was so happy. i told him that he just got his spectacles so enjoy reading his scrambler magazine i bought for him previously. he thanked me for it. i told him that he won his bet & a cheesecake is cancelled from my list of owed chessecakes. now he's left with 2 cheesecake to give me. but i think i will be buying it for him instead. told him that he wouldn't have to worry about me at work 'cause that Maya chef is at home in India.

he asked for more books 'cause he's bored. he wanted The Da Vinci Code storybook & i could get him more magazines. he was all jumpy. i am not sure whether he is just exhilarated with the fact that i am there or he just misses us all so much. maybe it's both, i don't know.

while the family was chatting, i could never get my eyes off him. i miss him too much. now i can only see him through a glass panel. it's hard but it's the best anyone can offer at the time being. i just wish i could hug him. then my gaze was cut off when he asked how could i get in. aisyah said i was the fiancee & he laughed. haha! i am so happy to see him laugh. i miss that laughter.

every now & then, when his mother isn't really looking at him he will look at me & wink. sometimes he give me that cute look of his. man i miss him so much.

he wanted a bike once he's released but his mother wanted him to quit smoking before he can have that bike. he better do so 'cause he promised me that he will quit once he's out. i keep to my promise of not smoking too so he better be doing his part. good to hear that he is praying inside.

visiting time was over & it was sayonara. my heart sank so deep that it hurt to leave. but all i could do was say goodbye & place my hand at that glass panel for him to reply that touch. never said i love him 'cause it will be a bit to embarassing for the both of us. i wanted to plant a kiss at that glass panel for him but well, it's abit to late. we left that room.

his dad sent me till Woodlands MRT Station. his mother kissed me goodbye & his father gave me $10. i was so damn embarassed to receive both gifts in one same time but what could i do? i just can't refuse both offers so i had to take them. i cried once i stepped out of the van & start walking to the MRT station. i was touched by what had happened. in 2 hours, lots of things happened. i could never expect any of these to happen in my family but it did in his family. i am just touched.

behind that glass panel
you stand before me
you looked so happy
and i am proud of you
you stand strong before us
when i know you are hurt inside
you just wish that we were not there
to see you in such situations

baby
we love you so much
it doesn't matter what you looked like
we just want to look at you
you meant so much
you are so much
especially to me

baby
i love you
and forever i will say it to you
i will wait for you
and forever will i keep that promise
i will make you mine
and forever will i not go

love
i feel so happy
to see you happy
i feel so excited
to see you excited
i feel so winky
when you winked at me
i feel so bright
when you smiled at me
i just missed you so

a promise i hope you would keep : please don't leave me again. never leave me again, even for a little while. make sure you will always be there for me. make me mine & forever will be mine. i love you so much.

2006-06-06T21:15:00.000-07:00

HAPPY 3RD MONTH ANNIVERSARY TO BABY & ME...

happy 5th month anniversary to prada & jay too!

love all of you!

2006-06-04T21:37:00.000-07:00

yipee yeay yeay! this thursday i will meet my sweetheart. i don't mind if it is through a glass window or a television screen, i just want to see him. i miss him alot! alot! A-L-O-T! oh gawd! lots of things happened to me this week. let me the tales of my life!

after so long of wanting to know if really haiqal [my classmate] likes me, i decided to ask him via SMS. yeap, he confessed, though not straight away. well, i had a mixture of feelings. happy, excited & sad. i am happy 'cause he is the first ever person to like me. ok this may be childish but there are just some reasons [if you ever wonder] i just couldn't attract guys. so he's my first woh0-o! 2nd, i am excited 'cause now i could feel the trill of having someone liking you so bad. 3rd, my baby won his bet of having someone to like me within the 1st semester at school, but haiqal came a bit too early. it's at the 3rd week of school. haha!

on saturday, i went out with my cousin, janah babe! man she spend alot! she bought a shirt, a pair of jeans, a necklace and 2 handphone chains. miraculously, we saved on food 'cause she went back to my place to eat. haha! sorry if it's just chicken, rojak & rice. i can't afford stuff! haha! she should bring me along to shop 'cause i wouldn't be spending with her. as she said it, i am choked on my spending budget. seriously, i rather buy myself a Chicago Cheesecake & a kids' size Pure Vanilla from The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf. haha!

today, i ended work at 1232hr 'cause my boss asked me to go home. i lied about having stomach ache 'cause actually i went 'makan' with my new colleage, nini. haha! she's happening babe! easy babe to talk to. she cabot from work also 'cause she got an offer at Coffee Club at Siglap, so she thinks it's best for her to quit this job. went to marina square & lepak. man she has nce pair of eyes! love them so much! think of lepaking with her again la. haha!

fai's mom called me but i missed her first call 'cause i was in the hall with my brother while my phone is inside my room. anyway, she called to say that she will be visiting fai this thursday! i can't wait to meet my baby. i miss him so much. actually my heart was beating fast when i saw his number at my phone. i thought he came back already. when i called his house to talk to his mom, his dad picked up & i really thought it was him but it turned out to be Mr Samat. haha! lame la me!

ok i think i better go study. i have a test on Laboratory Maths on Wednesday. better study!

2006-06-04T21:01:00.000-07:00

aku punya teman
teman sepermainan
di mana ada dia selalu ada aku

dia amat manis dan juga baik hati
dia selalu ada waktu untuk membantuku

namun aku bingung
ketika dia bilang cinta
dan juga dia katakan
'tuk ingin jadi kekasihku

cukuplah saja berteman denganku
janganlah kau meminta lebih
ku tak mungkin mencintaimu
kita berteman saja
teman tapi mesra

aku memang suka pada dirimu
namun aku ada yang punya
lebih baik kita kita berteman
kita berteman saja
teman tapi mesra
____________________________

to Mr Haiqal. you are damn sweet honey, but i am owned by my beloved babyboy. no matter how much love you are going to confess, it will always be about my baby.

2006-06-01T22:48:00.000-07:00

today i kissed ida, lydia, lay hoon, huiqi, aztina, aisyah & bernice on their cheeks. just felt like doing it. ok i didn't kiss any boys! haha! i was extra hyper today. smiled all the way. didn't sulk today. came late for school. reached at around 1317hr at Lecture Theater so i had to pick up all the litter. it's an easy job. finished within 5 minutes 'cause there's so many of us doing the job.

after school met Ahmad & went home with him, & the rest of my gang! suddenly, out of the blue, i saw haffeez at jurong east mrt station. he's becoming more thinner now. i am seriously not jealous because of his outlooks but i just hate him for being out here, being able to be free. i wish i can make him switch places with fai so i can make 1 more bad person go to prison & i save 1 someone else in return.

i thought i could find the file i wanted at Popular @ West Mall but to no avail. so i went to Jurong Point to get the stuff i want. reached home at around 2045hr. on my way home i called Terpal on old updates of what fai have been doing. nothing much actually. but he COMPLAINED to Terpal that he misses me! haha! he also told Terpal that i'm noisy yet adorable. aww so sweet! haha! he's my baby! wohoo!

i am damn hungry & i want to eat! good bye!

2006-06-01T22:20:00.000-07:00

i swear i didn't wirte this. saw this at the scribble paper at Jurong Point Popular.
i had this hair style to school today. actually i don't know how to do hair styles so i am trying hard.
i love this photo!
me & my babe! i love her loads!

2006-05-31T22:52:00.000-07:00

the distant between us is so great
you being there
while i am out here
not knowing what to do
not knowing where to go
not knowing what to expect in the nearest future

having to live without you
is so hard that i could not take it
but because of love
i am willing to take the challenge

the world is so small that you explore
doing the same routine everyday
having all the time missing me
having all the time to regret your mistake

baby
i have forgiven you
don't dwell on it anymore
it's just a matter of time
that we will be reunited again

each day
i missed you so much
i just want this to remain this way
cause i really want you to know i really miss you
when i hug you

i want to see your face
i want to be able to love you normally
i want to be so deeply in love with you
i hope you want it too

love has never been easy
now we are feeling it
so now we will treasure each other
more than ever

i love you

2006-05-30T21:42:00.000-07:00

kemarin kulihat awan membentuk wajahmu
desah angin meniupkan namamu
tubuhku terpaku semalam

bulan sabit melengkungkan senyummu
tabur bintang serupa kilau auramu
aku pun sadari, ku segera berlari

cepat pulang cepat kembali, jangan pergi lagi
firasatku ingin kau tuk cepat pulang
cepat kembali, jangan pergi lagi

alirnya bagai sungai yang mendamba samudera
ku tahu pasti kemanakan ku bermuara
semoga ada waktu, sayangku

ku percaya alam pun berbahasa
ada makna di balik semua pertanda

firasat ini
rasa rindukah atau kah hanya bayang
aku tak peduli, ku terus berlari

dan lihatlah sayang
hujan terus membasahi
seolah turun air mata

2006-05-30T21:37:00.000-07:00

i am going hysterical! fai's cellmate called me up just now during class telling me that FAI MISSES ME SO DAMN MUCH! baby, I MISS YOU TOO! i was really shouting at Terpal. i think he was shock to hear how crazy i was just now. i was screaming in the toilet. i went crazy! i asked him how Fai was doing & was he ok. Terpal said Fai's fine & he wants me to write to him everyday. HE GOT MY MAGAZINE so he should get his letter also. [why is it taking him so long to reply to my letter?]

anyway, i miss him loads! i want to hug him right now. i had to kiss him right now. i want to tell him i love him FACE-TO-FACE! i want him to feel the genuinity of my love for him. i want to love only him, & i want him to love only me. i want him to know he's my world & i will never allow him to leave me 'cause i know there would never be a return passage for me to him. i love him so much that i want to stay so strong & wait for him to come out this 29th November. i want to hold him like i never did. i want to hug him as if there is no letting go. i want to make sure he's going to be mine forever.

i have never felt love in such a way. i have never loved someone so much. but here i am telling everyone that i want him in a way that no one else could own him. i want him & only him! i am obsessed with the fact that i am in love with him. man, can you believe how this whole entry is just about him?

wow. waiting for another 6 months is tough but i am going to withstand the challenge. i am going to love him till the end! MOHAMED FAIZAL BIN SAMAD, SUHANA BTE SAINODIN will love you till the end of her breath. I promise that under no circumstances i will let you go. YOU WILL BE MINE & ONLY MINE!

p.s : Terpal, if you could ever read this, i want to thank you for passing me that message that i have been longing to hear. i really need that motivation at that point of time & there you are giving it to me. you're the man!

2006-05-29T22:23:00.000-07:00

L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only ONE i see
V is very, very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you adore

and LOVE is all that i can give to you
LOVE is more than just a game for two
Two in love can make it
Take my heart and please ~~don't break it~~
LOVE was made for me & you

2006-05-29T00:16:00.000-07:00

at this point of time, i feel so lonely.

where has the love of my life went to?
when will he return?
what is he doing at this moment?
am i constantly on his mind?
what could i do to not miss him this much?
am i the cause of his pain at thos moment?
am i the one he thinks he's going to marry?
will he still want to date me?
does he knows that i miss him so?
will he ever say 'i love you' again?

too many questions, no one to ask. at this very moment, i just missed him so much. i'm full of mixed emotions this weekend. what am i actually feeling i also don'y know. just hope that i would continue to be happy all the way.

2006-05-28T15:26:00.000-07:00

i feel so bad writing what i wrote earlier. seriously, i edited some of the thing i wrote. seriously, i feel as if i am not grateful of what i have. but at times, people around us should know that we are human too. i hve feelings & that hurting us will hurt them too. i don't know till when mom will shut up but i know she just don't understand me. seriously speaking, i don't know what she wants out of me. if she wants me to share the same interest as her, she should ask herself whether she's sharing my passion. if she doesn't understand why i'm growing up into, she should check the calender that this is the 21st century & that children tend to be more expressive. i just feel so bad. i'm sorry i let you down.

2006-05-28T14:05:00.000-07:00

seriously, im FUCKED UP! my mom wants me to listen to ONLY HER! she wants me to do everything she wants. yesterday, i went to that BULLSHIT BOOKFAIR because she wants me to follow. today, she wants me to type out her things cause SHE WANTS IT! i don't understand why she goes for all that MILLIONAIRE COURSES when what she really needs now is HOW TO BOUND WITH YOUR TEENAGE DAUGHTER! i am seriously very very mad. she can just scold me when she's angry with me but when i am angry at her, i can't just flair up. she is really SELFISH.

2006-05-27T08:35:00.000-07:00

well, my day started out to be so damn CHAOTIC but after the trip to Suntec's Book Fair, everything was back to normal. actually, i had a disagreement with my parents so i felt that it is the right time for them to know what is happening to my life. i really regret missing out on today's singing audition for the musical but it's ok. find a way to get into that CCA somehow.

yesterday was drama audition. guess what? i was supposed to audition for dance in order for me to get to act. AND I TOTALLY MADE A FOOL OF MYSELF! first i don't know how to dance. next is that i came to audition for acting & singing, not dancing! OMG! i was totally in a mess! i don't know how to dance! argh!

today & tomorrow will be my off-day from work 'cause i want to study for my practical test next week. actully i have alot of test going on for the next 2 weeks but i think i can make it IF i study for it!

i want my baby!
i want my Prada babe!
i want my Nazira sweetheart!

2006-05-26T21:29:00.000-07:00

Shades
Jangan Kau Ucap Selamat Tinggal

Ku mencari, Ku mencari
Apakah salahku
Kau buat ku termenung seorangan
Dalam diri sangsi, Akhirnya begini
Perpisahan tak kuduga

Ku mengerti, Ku fahami
Keputusan diri
Biar saja aku sebegini
Permintaan terakhirku, Jangan kau lafazkan
Simpan saja kata-kata

( korus )
Jangan diucap selamat tinggal
Jangan kau ucap selamat tinggal
Jangan diucap selamt tinggal
Kepadaku...

Walaupun seketika...
Walaupun sekelip mata
Simpan saja kata-kata, Ke akhir hayat yang ada
Walaupun seketika...
Walaupun sekelip mata
Simpan saja kata-kata, Ke akhir hayat yang ada

2006-05-25T22:48:00.000-07:00

*sheena babe & hoonz sweets*
Naz's feet i captured
us in the 'Feminine Retreat'
bert & naz
ida, me, lydia
the 4 babes i love!

2006-05-21T22:49:00.000-07:00

.naz darling : for my sake, can you change your skin? i can't seem to find your tagboard but i really want to tag. i really miss you too sweety!

i want to admit this out loud : i hate soccer boys!

they STINK after every game! ok i know they sweat & all but when they are in a group. they purely STINK!
they are really PLAYAS!
they would want to marry the ball if they could 'cause 24/7, it will always be about ~~BALLS~~

why am i saying all these? 'cause there was a NIKE soccer match near my place just now. i was hoping that i wouldn't bump into anyone i hate most! so i walked a whole around away from the field itself home from the bus stop.

well, i changed my skin again! & everytime i change my skin, Naz will appear. are you psychic?

waiting for 2 weeks for my love letter to arrive is such a long time. i kept asking whether it had arrived but no, it hadn't. did the letter reached him or was he trying to move on with life? i just wouldn't want to lose anyone in my life again. i love my baby so much it hurts each time memories with him pops into mind.

i think i can adapt to the situation better now. i am still in love with him though.

2006-05-19T16:42:00.000-07:00

i'm sick of my own life. actually i have NO LIFE at all!

when was the last time i went out with my friends? i mean, really hang out with them? 7 months ago. you know why? 'cause i'm busy working like an overworked cow. even if i could go out, my phone will ring constantly 'cause MY MOM WANTS ME TO GO HOME EARLY!

when was the last time i really had fun? i could go home late without anyone worrying about me? NEVER!

seriously, i'm sick of being me. i have so many things i have to follow, such as orders, but i can never have any quality time for myself.

daily, i have to wake up at 5 & i only reach home at 8. weekends, i have to work from 11 to 3 & go home straight. YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY? 'cause i have to take care of my BROTHER! my dad's at home but i have to do things for him. HE ONLY COMES HOME TO WATCH TV & COMPLAINS THAT I RARELY DO HOUSEHOLD CHORES!

yes i rarely do household chores BUT HAVE YOU DID ANY OTHER THAN TAKING CARE OF ADAM & SHOUT AT HIM?! NO!

i AM sick of my life. i wish Fai was here but NO he's not!

I WISH I COULD JUST DISAPPEAR FROM THIS WORLD SURFACE!

2006-05-17T21:14:00.000-07:00

i want my BABY right here with me now. I WANT HIM SO BADLY!

2006-05-15T23:58:00.000-07:00

i want to make it clear to all of you : I AM GOING TO WAIT FOR MY BABY!

you may think why i am saying this all of a sudden. 'cause i wouldn't want to lose someone so precious ever again. once is enough. there was a time where i was in love with my former boyfriend, Zulhilmi. he went on a trip to Manchester to visit his aunt to celebrate Hari Raya cum holiday. we vowed to email each day so we will be connected. actually he wasn't allowed to date 'cause his mom wanted him to study. unfortunately, his aunt read one on my email to him & straight away, the whole family wanted us to separate. how do you think i felt? he was MY FIRST TRUE LOVE & it ended up broken.

now i got over Zulhilmi 'cause i want my baby to be so sure about me wanting him so bad. so I WILL WAIT FOR HIM. my determination to keep the relationship going will be very strong. i will never fail to make myself feel loved even if he's not here to make me love him. ~~ONCE IS ENOUGH~~ losing someone so precious hurts so much. if anyone's going to be in my way from making my dream come true, he or she will pay. i'll make sure that that particular person will suffer till REVENGE is satisfactory for me.

p.s : baby, if you were ever to read this, i'm sorry i have to bring out my past 'cause i want to make sure my message is clear.

2006-05-14T22:49:00.000-07:00

~what do i want most in my life at this point of time?~

my babes
my chocolates
my VANILLA ICE BLENDED
my cheesecake from COFFEE BEAN!
and finally, my sweety pumpkin, fai!

*mama, aku mau kawin!-

2006-05-14T00:04:00.000-07:00

guess what? i found the song which really suits my situation at this particular moment. it's southside by Llyod feat. Ashanti. *yeayness*

love
you are the one i want
you are the one i'll own
you are the one i'll wait for

love
don't believe the myths
just believe the truth
the truth of just ME & YOU

love me for what i am
never leave me ever again
say i'm always yours
& i'll say you are always mine

waiting may be ~~hell~~
but it's love that's gonna hold me on
we'll hold on to that promise
the promise of forever lovers

yea, you get it write! i'm writing CRAP! i don't understand what i'm writing actually. i
m feeling so lonely actually.~